Some husbands smell worse than others. This is a sad fact and reality of married life, so you'd better choose your man bloke wisely.
Once you've committed, there's no going back! No matter how bad he stinks.
And if you've got one of those husbands who REFUSES to wear deodorant... well, it's the worst of time and the worst of times. Here's how to handle the stench.
Man Blokes, BO, and the No Need for Deodorant Curse
Dear agony aunt,
My husband Ron is a decent man. He wakes up each morning, does three push ups, gives up, then hits the shower and sings Bob Marley songs. Then he finishes up in the bathroom BUT HE DOESN'T USE ANY DEODORANT!
The result!? Stench. Lots and lots of BO stench.
That's wherever he goes. Whether it's into work, to a restaurant, to see his kids from his first wife, to see his first wife... and I sometimes wonder if he's trying to get revenge on her by reeking the place out. Because she's a bit of a bitch. But why do I have to suffer for that!? And our daughter, Kevin, who already has it rough with a name like that when you're a girl. "Why did you and daddy call me Kevin, mummy?" she asks. Answers... I have none. Ron was drunk on beer and named her that and he refuses to change the name now.
Now the BO thing. I've asked him directly why he doesn't wear deodorant and he said he doesn't believe in it... which doesn't make any sense. "Why don't you believe in deodorant, husband!?" Well, he thinks it's a con by businesses and that deodorant actually doesn't do anything at all. So he goes about his life stinking like a gross man bloke and I just want to distance myself from him, really. This isn't my husband, kind of thing.
He thinks his natural manly scent is "attractive", but he smells like something is rotting. That isn't very attractive. I'd say it's the exact opposite of attractiveness. In fact, I'd say it's downright unattractive. Which isn't very attractive at all!
Other than this, my husband is... okay.
He's average looking, has lost some of his hair, and his beer gut is of adequate size. So I can't complain too much. Other than the smell. What do you recommend?
Yours, Joan
Hi there, John. Well, that smells like a stinky situation. Have you tried punching your husband in the face? Appreciate that's "assault", but it might snap him out of his weird smell reverie.
There really is no easy way to say this, though... your husband is a dickhead.
I know that'll be tough to take, as you married that piece of work. You'll be (quite rightly) questioning yourself at this moment. Questioning your:
- Morality
- Intelligence
- Sanity
But rest assured, plenty of other men and women have been sucked into the same foul-smelling trap. The solution? Well, it is of course 24-hour anti-perspirant deodorant.
The trick is to get your stupid husband to wear the stuff. We recommend either:
- Pummelling him in the face mercilessly until her relents and starts spraying the stuff on his dad bod.
- Divorce.
There's no in-between on that one, we're afraid, but you could try merging the two together in a kind of weird pummelling/divorce hybrid. Best of luck with that!
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