Some preamble here, as we turned this into a full feature rather than individual game reviews. Why? As it was impossible to find much video footage of the below games in action. That's how obscure these things are.
But it's in keeping with the notorious Philips CD-i, which was developed by Philips and Sony.
It launched in 1990 as an overpriced video game console/PC thing with seriously bad games and a total incomprehension on how to be good. And that's why we love it!
Bizarre Philips CD-i Games (and why we quite like them for it)
Yeah, so some games in the 1990s relied heavily on a cinematic feel. Some devs seemed to think games could be interactive movies, so you got a lot of FMV games. These were pretty much all terrible, but it did create some so-bad-its-good stuff.
However, the CD-i is just something else for its weirdness. Often badly mixing terrible concepts and creating genre hybrids for no real reason. Let's get started with our total favourite!
Effacer: Hangman of the 25th Century (baffling, ingenious take on hangman) 👽
This is one very obscure Philips CD-i game. Effacer: Hangman of the 25th Century launched in 1994 and we only discovered it this week whilst watching an old Mike Matei stream.
We were immediately taken by just how bizarre the concept is. A 25th century sci-fi reimaging of hangman, in a warped world where players control the fate of wordplay-heathens over a game of hangman.
That's no joke, that's what this game is! It's so absurd, what struck us is it's the type of stupid thing we'd come up with. And, thus, we must admit we quickly grew to love Effacer! Let us explore its history.
Just to reiterate, the plot of this game is to execute aliens for their bad spelling mistakes as this is viewed as a crime against the Universe.
As a demented concept, that really needs celebrating.
It's so obscure there's barely any footage of it online. During one of Mike Matei's old streams for Philips CD-i games he plays it and remains quite baffled by it (you can see it in action from the 17 minute mark).
But, again, there is something weirdly likeable about the game and its strange, strange ranting about punishing aliens for spelling errors.
Again, there's barely any footage of this one online. Which is a shame, as we'd seriously like to play this one properly.
Magic Eraser (snail pace puzzle game with classic art) 🎨✏️
Such as Magic Eraser (1995), which just about qualifies as a video game.
If it launched now you'd probably bracket it into the cosy genre of relaxing ASMR titles. But almost 30 years ago, it appears more like the developer didn't know what it was doing.
This one was developed by Circle Multimedia Development. We could find no further information about this developer, so will make a wild assumption the studio is now defunct.
There's so little footage of this game online we've had to take little snippets where we can. Not that it really matters. Watch the above 20 second clip. That is the game.
Players control an on-screen eraser, move it around the screen as it scrawls at a lethargic pace, and that's about it!
As you rub out the yellow stuff, you gradually reveal of work of Russian art in the background. After you rub out the very final bit, the game reveals the full painting to you. Lovely stuff! Especially as all the classical music stuff plays.
Anyway, here's proof the game did exist (its case and cover).
Abstract stuff there. And yet another example of CD-i devs seemingly trying to do something a bit different with video games. Yet failing badly.
Laser Lords (another weird mishmash of genres) 🦎
This one was by Spinnaker Software and featured quite advanced (for the time) FMV sequences. It launched in 1992 and the goal is stop the evil lunatic Sarpedon from destroying the Universe.
Amongst all the shizzles where you travel around space visiting planets, one element of the game are the 2D platforming bits.
But those often give way to some weird FMV scenes and the like.
Despite its oddness, it's quite a unique and interesting title. Laser Lords was also one of the best received Philips CD-i games and gained a cult following. It's certainly one of the better documented CD-i games online.
The Terrible Zelda Games (notorious as all heck) 😐
Okay, these are notorious and world famous now. So we'll only cover them briefly, but normally the Zelda series is famous for its high quality.
The three Zelda CD-i games were just awful. Animation Magic developed the games as part of an agreement with Nintendo. They didn't seem to pay any attention to the Japanese gaming giant's games, instead creating a series of weird platformers with awful controls.
And these baffling, poorly animated, awfully voiced acted cut scenes were jammed in.
Those sections seem to be based on the Zelda cartoon from the early '90s, which was also awful and featured stupid catchphrases.
Regardless, the Zelda Philips CD-i games are legendary for being bizarre and crap. Hurray!
Connect Four (for some reason this became a game) 🔵
We like Connect Four, but it's just a bit weird someone decided to make it into a video game. Really, quite pointless.
It was one of the launch titles for the CD-i and, yep, it's just Connect Four in game form. Nothing else. No extra features, just this game and to play it you had to spend $600 on Philips' contraption.
All when you could get the toy for $10 in a store somewhere.
The Wacky World of Miniature Golf ⛳
The Wacky World of Miniature Golf is kind of a comedy game. Once again, it does the Philips CD-i thing of including loads of cut scenes merged in with the gameplay.
It's incredible obscure and we'd never heard of it until researching around for this piece. According to reviews, the game is awful. Yet it's quite intriguing to watch it now.
It's kind of like a Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner cartoon from Looney Tunes. But just not as good.
The Flowers of Robert Mapplethorpe (a screensaver game) 🌺
There were actually 208 games on the CD-i, with the contraption not officially discontinued until 1998. Which seems amazing to think the N64, PlayStation, and almost Sega's Dreamcast were out when this thing was still on the market being dodgy.
Another odd one was The Flowers of Robert Mapplethorpe, which very loosely qualifies as a video game. It's on the Magic Eraser side of things, but with less interaction.
It's basically a museum game.
You load it up and the photography work of Robert Mapplethorpe appear to the sounds of classical music. Fabulous work, but not really a video game.
Max Magic (last but definitely not least) 🪄
An educational game aimed at kids, Max Magic is a kind of interactive magic set. The game is hosted by the eponymous character, who often waxes lyrical and makes quips and stuff.
In fact, he barely shuts up for most of the game.
The idea is to perform amazing magic tricks and learn from him. It's another intriguing title from the CD-i, with Philips clearly viewing gaming's potential in the early 1990s as something more focused around multimedia and interactivity.
Whilst that didn't work very well 99% of the time, we can't help but doff our caps at its audacity at trying something different.
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