Hello! We're Forever Insufficient Supplies Services Ltd. (FISS) and we're interminably short on the products you're looking to buy from us:
- Need a new keyboard? Not sure about that one, matey!
- After a new tumble dryer for the garden? We'd better check warehouse stock, but don't get your hopes up!
- Want a new sofa? *Deep sigh* we just sold our last one and even that is covered in knits!
So, if you're want an intensely frustrating shopping experience where you're never quite quick enough to buy the last item in stock, Forever Insufficient Supplies Services Ltd. is for you!
Why We're Absolutely Always OUT OF STOCK 🛑
Because it's bloody hard work, that's why! Any idea how much organisation you need to keep a warehouse packed with thousands upon thousands of products? A lot! Frankly, we can't be arsed.
I run the business and I'm 62 and planning to retire soon. Why should I bother doing a sterling job when I can half-arse this one over the finish line?
Exactly!
It's like that famous story by Aesop! The tortoise and the hare. We're the hare. We've sold everything super fast and at inflated prices, but now there's nothing else left to fill the warehouse except masses of:
- Bored and listless employees
- Dust
- Rats
- Tramps
- Drunken revellers passed out here by mistake
And what of that lot? Well, we got the bored and listless employees to sweep away all the dust. Now the empty is as clean as a whistle (apart from all the rats bounding with total freedom everywhere) but there is that lurking feeling that... maybe we should restock!?
Stuff and Things We're Out of Stock of 🐀
While we ponder that one over, here's a fantastic and spectacular list of all the things we don't have available!
Forever Insufficient Supplies Services Ltd. is proud to announce we're COMPLETELY out of stock of the following things and stuff:
- Beds
- Office supplies
- Cabbage
- Computers
- Computer mice
- Mice (although we've got loads of rats)
- Vacuum cleaners
- Swivel chairs
- Chairs
- Combine harvesters
- Tumble dryers
- Cement mixers
- Toothpicks
- Celery
- Kettles
We're also backed up by the following things:
- Useless employees
- An ineffective customer service team
- Rats
Yes, we have a rat infestation. No, that doesn't mean your products will be affected in any way, shape, or form! That's because the rats have nothing to chew on (except for our employees' ankles).
Why You Should Still Shop With Us 😁
Look, we're being transparent with you right now. That's what this is. No fibs or anything, we're probably the most honest business in the world.
And we still want your money.
So, you can visit us online (or in-store) and spend your money on OUT OF STOCK items! Such a privilege you can't even begin to imagine, right? Then, when they come back into stock in a year, two years, or more amount of time, we'll probably forward the product on to you!
We know you're a savvy consumer. We know you've already recognised that as the deal of the 21st century. If you don't believe us, and refuse to shop with us, then... well, you're JUST A PRICK!!!! 🖕*
* Please note, Forever Insufficient Supplies Services Ltd. does not subscribe to the notion that the customer is always right.
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