Life on a construction site is hard work, not least when your knuckle booms start malfunctioning. While this may make you furious with anger, do know... THERE IS A SOLUTION!
It's the Knuckle Boom Rehabilitation Centre!
For the last 25 years, we've been welcoming and rehabilitating knuckle booms back onto construction sites. We have the latest therapy tactics and soothsaying ways to encourage your heavy machinery back towards lifting human beings up and down a little bit.
Rehabilitate Your Heavy Machinery in an Ethical, Safe, Majestic Environment
The life of any knuckle boom is hard work. Up. Down. Up. Down. It's enough to make any piece of heavy construction equipment fall into a fit of manic depression.
That's where our service enters the fray!
Each week our senior knuckle boom, James, begins intensive therapy meetings. Assembled before him may be a dozen or so fellow pieces of heavy construction equipment. They gather in a large open warehouse (because these things are pretty large themselves) to vent. And vent they do. Some of them are a little worse for wear and don't even realise their knuckle isn't fully extended or not.
That's a common problem. But with some encouragement the machinery will extend themselves out, creaking mightily, and let it all hang out as nature intended.
If you're a construction site owner and you need your knuckle booms to get their shit together fast, then refer them to our clinic! Our weekly meetings will put them back on course towards MAXIMUM productivity.
Case Study: Transcript of Knuckle Booms Rehabilitating
To put your knuckle boom at ease, refer it to the below transcript of several patients discussing their various issues. This will encourage it to visit our clinic. You can then pay us money and (probably) expect your machinery to make a full recovery.
Please note, the names of the heavy machinery in question have been changed to protect their identity.
Henry: "I knuckle boomed myself so hard I had no knuckles left to boom..."
Kevin: "I know what you mean, mate. I knuckle boomed so hard my booming knuckles couldn't knuckle boom it any longer. The humans found me behind the skips and portable toilets rocking from side to side. Head gaffer said he'd never seen such a woke knuckle boom before and they had me shipped off here."
Charlie: "I'm 100% certain my knuckle is currently extended. No one can convince me otherwise!"
Senior KB James: "You're very wrong. It isn't extended. As we well know, it hasn't fully extended since 2021 when you were a young up and coming knuckle boom with a lot to prove. Now? Younger, sleeker models had arrived with fancier gadgets and you, Charlie, are facing obsoletion—recycling and other parts melted down at smelting factories. This is why you are here, with us, to find yourself. Isn't that glorious?"
Charlie: "Holy shit! I'm gonna get melted down!?"
Senior KB James: "Not just yet, no, what I meant was..."
Charlie: "OH MY KNUCKLE BOOM! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
[This particular meeting ended with a mass knuckle boom panic, a stampede, and a pile-up at the rear of the warehouse. There were no survivors.]
Please note, we DO NOT provide free oil changes during these meetings. You fund that yourself, that's your job don't make it ours.
Get Your Knuckle Boom-Based Projects Back on Track
Our centre offers state of the art facilities to ensure your heavy machinery feels right at home. We have a moderately friendly team of ex-builders on-site to spout garbage around the knuckle booms.
This familiarity puts them at ease. The builders will:
- Stink of body odour
- Bend over regularly and expose their arse cleavage
- Drink 35 builder's brews daily
- Belch with the wild abandon free will provides
It's £3,000 per knuckle boom and there are no refunds, irrespective of whether your machinery recovers or is left a quivering, demoralised, pathetic wreck (which happens in 67% of patients).
Call us TODAY on 0111 0111 0111 0112 and selection option 1 from the automated operator list: BOOM.
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