VERY LARGE OBJECTS, STRAIGHT TO YOUR DOOR!
That's the Very Large Objects for Order Ltd. promise. You name it, we'll bring it to your door (so long as it's large). We don't deliver stuff that's:
- Small
- Medium-sized
- Huge
- Enormous
- Gargantuan
Our focus is large objects. This can range anywhere between Jupiter, Saturn, the Titanic wreck, Mount Everest, woolly Mammoths, and those big gas guzzling cars Americans drive. Want them on your doorstep? Give us a bell on: 011111 111110 0011100101 010010101 01010001017.
List of LARGE Objects You Can Order
Our expert team of large object procurers work round the clock to deliver large (not huge, enormous, or small... LARGE!) objects to our delightful customers.
The complete list of large objects we can deliver is listed below in this list:
- Jupiter
- Saturn (including several of its large rings, just not the smaller or enormous ones)
- Mount Everest
- Woolly mammoths
- Those big gas guzzling American car/van things
- Skyscrapers
- Size 13 shoes for man bloke feet
- Ben Nevis
- Some elephants
- Finland
- Some trees
- McDonald's Big Macs
- Do note, we're NOT a food delivery service
- Burger King Whoppers
- Bulldozers
If you have a specific large object not on the list you wish to discuss delivery from us, you'll need to speak to our largely temperamental managing director. Call him on 011111 111110 0011100101 010010101 01010001018.
The Delivery Process
Our team of expert engineers will descend on a location with chainsaws and a sense of anger. They then:
- Hack at the large object in question with their chainsaws (and anger).
- Get increasingly angry.
- Continue hacking until the large object is free and available to manoeuvre to your front door.
- Voilà!
Very Large Objects for Order Ltd. charges £335,000 per object retrieval. We accept cheques. However, if the cheque bounces we'll come round your house and chainsaw it into the ground.
Returns Policy
Once your large object has been delivered, we do no accept returns. For logical reasons. We mean, if we've delivered Jupiter to your doorstep there's no way we're taking it back over 400 million miles to its slot in space. That'd be mental.
No, once you've got your object that's it and you just have to accept it with good grace. In other words, shut up! The customer isn't always right.
Legal Waiver
Upon delivering a large object to your property, Very Large Objects for Order Ltd. cannot be held responsible in the event the large object demolishes your property. These are large objects and, therefore, may result in carnage, death, and destruction. Very Large Objects for Order Ltd. waives all legal responsibility in all instances. This is on you. Why the hell do you want the Titanic wreck sitting on your front garden anyway? Sure, James Cameron will visit, and the world's media, and historians willing to pay you millions for it, but why would you want that?
Additionally, Very Large Objects for Order Ltd. maintains the right to determine what is, and is not, a "large" object. For example, a customer may claim the Sun is a large object. However, we determine it is an ABSOLUTELY BLOODY ENORMOUS object 109 times the diameter of Earth. That is not "large", it is a colossal abomination. Leave off, we are not going near the thing.
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