HEY THERE COOL PERSON! Here's the Dumb Bubble Gum rap!!
Dumb Bubble Gum iz lots of fun!
Dumb Bubble Gum iz juzz wot u need!!
Don't put Dumb Bubble Gum up your bum!!!
Put Dumb Bubble Gum in your ear!!!!
Yeah, mofo, innit wassup. Uh huh, yeah. MOFO! I shoot you dead, yo!
This family-friendly brand of chewing gum will MAKE YOU HAPPY AGAIN! Guaranteed! That's because there's illegal substances we've put into it thanks to a nifty governmental loophole they haven't worked out yet!
DUMB BUBBLE GUM! DUMB BUBBLE GUM! DUMB BUBBLE GUM!
Clueless Chewing With Chemical Grade Strength Bubbles Makes Dumb Bubble Gum the BEST Gum on the Market
Due to the nature of the harsh chemicals in Dumb Bubble Gum, we're legally obliged to inform you of the potential side effects after chewing on this product. These can include, but aren't limited to:
- Seizures
- Hysterical fits
- Hysterical sneezing fits
- Hallucinations
- Brain rot
- Gut rot
- A gammy leg
- Tooth decay
- Runny nostrils
- Scurvy (if you live only off this product for months on end)
- Severe diarrhoea
- Gangrene
- Ingrowing toenails
- Male pattern balding
- Third-degree burns
- Severe radiation poisoning
- That thing when your eye twitches for a little bit for no apparent reasons
- That other thing when like you sit on your leg for ages and it goes numb and you can't walk on it and it's alarming until it starts working again
- Pins and needles
- Nausea
- Panic attacks
Asides from the above, Dumb Bubble Gum also provides the following flavours:
- Strawberry and cheese
- Raspberry and cheese
- Blueberry and cheese
- Cheese
To note, an active ingredient within Dumb Bubble Gum is so illegal we not must shiftily move on to another section so you forget about it without feeling the urge to pry a little deeper.
YO YO YO! The Reasons Why Dumb Bubble Gum is KEWL!
Here are the reasons why, after reading our advanced marketing campaigns, you'll be cursed with the FOMO (fear of missing out). This is because Dumb Bubble Gum is:
- Kewl (because we say so, even though we were using "cool" earlier but have since realised "kewl" makes us cooler).
- YOLO
- Goated with the sauce
- Cheugy
- Big Yikes
- Better than normal chewing gum (again, because we said so)
You see? That's Gen Z slang right there. If we can reel that off, while keeping it real, you can ignore the brain seizures, scurvy, and hysterical screaming after consuming our product!
Check Out the Consumer Reviews, Mofo!!!
"After consuming Dumb Bubble Gum I got leprosy..." Jeff from Rochdale
"i ated a pack of the gum and it were good so i ated enother and then i had diarrhea for 24 hours then i got leaprossy... wtf?" Jeff from Bolton of Greater Manchester
"This sleazy salesman hawking the products at a street stand gave me a free pack of this shit. I chewed it and by the next morning had come down with leprosy... I'm suing!" Jeff from Manchester
"I really liked this gum! But it made me feel a bit weird and my hysterical screaming made it difficult to function at work (I'm a solicitor). However, the screaming stopped after I drank a pint of gin. So, for anyone else struggling there's the solution! Down some gin. Problem solved." Henry from Manchester
"The gum is real good until I got gut rot from it and then I got scurvy and also I think I've got leprosy and haemorrhoids. I rang the Dumb Bubble Gum customer service line to complain, but after they sent me a 12 pack of gum FOR COMPLETELY FREE I didn't have no more problems no more! Well chuffed. Already on my fifth pack of that lot chewing away. Me vision is going a bit blurry and I can't stop screaming but that other reviewer above said gin solves that so I'm getting a bit merry while I type! Lol... good times dumb bubbles gun!" Jeff from Bury
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