Step right up, bargain bin shoppers, for the BEST car boot car boot sale! If you're in need of a top-quality, cheap as chips car boot then this is the car boot sale for you!
Now, just to avoid any confusion, the only thing you can buy at this car boot sale is car boots.
We don't allow anything else for sale! It's just an opportunity for the everyday motorist to hawk their car boots to members of the public in a car park near the centre of Bolton of Greater Manchester.
The Car Boot Car Boot Sale: Where Everyone Can Buy a Dead Good Car Boot
Please refer to the legendary Animal Forms work for the correct 32 (b) form to complete. You MUST complete the below form via pen and paper, or online with the form below, otherwise YOU SHALL NOT PASS GO.
Car Boot Sale Entrance Form
Again, entry is dependant on successful form completion AND successful acceptance of your entered details.
Be warned—we are VERY fussy and will pick apart your completed form like annoying flies buzzing around a freshly laid cow pat.
The Big Day: How, When, What, Where, and Who for the Car Boot Sale Day
If you're accepted into the fold, you MUST arrive to the venue by 6am BST. For EVERY SINGLE MINUTE you're late you'll be charged an extra £50.
Once you're inside you MUST follow these on-site rules:
- Park in your designated area only!
- Unpack your car boots for sale in timely fashion.
- If you've brought your kids with you, ENSURE THEY BEHAVE!
- Doors are open to customers from 6:30am.
- NO SMALL TALK WITH CUSTOMERS!
- NO HAGGLING!
- NO SALE OF ANYTHING EXCEPT CAR BOOTS!
- Doors close to customers at 5pm sharp.
- Any stragglers will be forcibly removed from the premises by our burly bouncers.
- YOU MUST BE OFF OUR PREMISES BY 6pm.
- If you linger, you will be forced off our premises by our burly bouncers.
For EVERY SINGLE MINUTE after 6pm that you remain on our premises, you'll be charged £50. No exceptions!
Punishments For Anyone Found Selling Alternative Goods
This is a car boot car boot sale. The sale of any other items is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN. Anyone found selling alternative goods will face severe punishments. These include:
- Instant removal from the premises
- A financial penalty of up to £3,000
- Lifetime ban from any further events
- Supreme Court action AGAINST YOUR LIES
- Medieval torture methods
- Name calling
We reserve the right to apply even more draconian punishments as and when we see fit. That includes tickling, shoulder barging, and stealing your hubcaps.
Don't test us! Adhere to our rules for MAXIMUM enjoyment and ROI.
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