This has been a week and then some. I was moving so fast, was I a steam engine, one might have said I was fully stoked. Whew. I am back at work, so I can get a little break from the rest of my life. My move was at last accomplished the first of the week, and the final cleaning touches taken care of. I handed over the keys to my landlords yesterday. Realizing this was most likely our last meeting, we bid each other teary goodbyes. These two lovely humans were truly my angels after Rick passed away. Providing the little house across from theirs as a sanctuary, allowed me time to lick my wounds and begin to find my footing again in my new life as a oner instead of a twoser.
Rentals were in short supply back six years ago, when I sat down to fill out that application. At the time, I had no reason to think I would be chosen over what I knew to be many qualified other applicants, who had also submitted their paperwork. Looking back, I just somehow knew that the little house would come to be the place I was to hang my hat. Originally, I believe, I was promoted to the front of the line largely due to the fact I was a single woman of a certain age, with a cat. They did not perceive me as someone likely to be throwing loud parties at all hours of the night, or changing spark plugs on my Harley in the living room. Basically, they trusted I would take care of their property. I did just that, as it turned out, and we parted with happy memories on both sides.
There are many things I will leave behind as I exit my old life there. I will miss the incredibly juicy fresh peaches Sarah would leave on my porch every harvest, just picked from her well tended fruit trees. The holidays, I am sure, will not feel quite the same without a batch of Nick's famous chocolate chip cookies or one of his delicious fresh out of the oven apple pies. It was such a special five years there, filled with memories I will tuck away with so many other treasured times in my memory bank.
On an interesting note, while saying our goodbyes, Sarah told me a woman who had actually spent her childhood in that house recently moved back to the area. Strictly by happenstance, she had met the woman while grocery shopping, allowing them to get reacquainted. As it turned out, the woman had been looking for a house to rent in the area, without much luck. When Sarah told her I had recently given my notice, she was delighted to accept Sarah's invitation to become the new tenant. So, my dear little dwelling will not lie vacant for long. This turn of events, eliminates my landlords having to begin an extensive search for new residents. They already know this person, so don't have to worry about someone moving in who might not be an excellent choice. My dear friend Nancy would call this an MBO (most benevolent outcome). Yup, for sure, Nanc.
Sometimes, life places stumbling blocks in your way as you are trying to initiate a change in your life. These, I have come to feel, are by way of subtle warnings. Other times, the universe clears the path before you, allowing you to proceed with ease. This was definitely a case of the latter. This fills me with a sense of inner peace, because I believe it is an indication I am headed in the right direction.
There have been many times when I have gone forward with something, in spite of repeatedly seeing signs it would not be a wise decision to do so. Such was the case, when walking down the aisle during my second wedding. Doubts had been haunting my mind for weeks prior to the wedding date. I had begun to notice some traits in my fiance, that had me questioning if we were going to be as good a fit as I'd originally thought. These little twinges of doubt began to surface about halfway down the aisle on my wedding day, and my heart began to race. My mind began sending out the clear message, "run, Susie, save yourself". Chest pounding, I hesitated a moment, glancing around the lovely chapel. The pews were filled to capacity with well wishing friends and relatives. I thought of all the time and effort these people had made to attend, and the generous gifts they'd contributed, waiting to be opened and admired at home. This, not to mention, the expensive cake my family had chosen and purchased sitting in the fridge at the house, and the lovely bouquets of flowers contributed by my new in-laws held in my trembling hands, decorating the altar, and hanging at the ends of each aisle. How could I run? Still, my mind persisted in sending out the urgent message, "RUN, RUN, RUN" in spite of all the evidence being presented to the contrary. Before me, I could clearly see my bridesmaids standing on the opposite side of the altar from my smiling groom-to-be, and his two groomsmen. Arms crossed, bible open, the pastor anchored both groups ready to begin the ceremony. As I proceeded forward one step, meet, one step meet, as instructed by the wedding planner, the smiling faces of my mother, and two children seated in the front pew came into view. In spite of every misgiving I had about what I was about to do rising to the surface of me like debris from a sinking ship, I resisted the urge to run. Instead, I encouraged my reluctant feet to keep on walking. In that case, I should have listened to my feet, turned out they knew what they were talking about.
There was a lot of internal struggle going on inside me as well during this move, I have to say. This time it was not about if Richard was the right choice for me, but rather if any relationship at this stage in my life was the right choice for me. After much heated discussion between the yes and no sides of my conflicted brain, the yes side took the vote by a fair margin. So, here I am, once again a twoser. When I left his house, which is now our house, this morning, I said "see you when I get home". To which he answered, "so nice to hear you say that word home and have it mean here". This touched me (I hope you weren't eating with all this saccharine floating about), but it did. It is nice to know someone will be holding the lantern for me when I arrive home from work.
Aside from myself, Boo, the Queen of Cats, has also been going through a period of adjustment. Before the movers came, we cleared everything out of the spare room where Boo sleeps, in order to shampoo the carpet. This necessitated relocating her little spoiled behind overnight, while the carpet was drying. By her reaction to this affront, you would have thought we were holding her down and sticking her with pins. Now, the cat is eighteen. I have to think that since in human years that puts her near ninety, she may be showing a few signs of dementia. At first, she sat in front closed door to the bedroom staring up at the knob with a lost expression and yowled annoyingly every five minutes. This went on for some time. Finally, after we diverted her attention repeatedly, she located another bed where she could situate herself and, after circling the wagons for a period of time, settled down and made herself comfortable. Really, Boo?
I'm sure Richard is feeling some angst on his side as well. Though he initiated, and I like to think really wanted us to, share living space, this has been quite a project. His house no longer looks like HIS HOUSE. The garage sale we are planning is still a few weeks out, and thus all the items targeted for that event, or in the end a donation bin, have to find a home in the meantime. Many of these items are sitting on the living room or dining room carpet waiting to be relocated. It's a bit of a dog and pony show, to put it mildly. His huge closet with plenty of move around space is now overflowing with my clothes and his, leaving enough room to hang a washcloth on one side if you squeeze it in. Sigh. He asked me when I was going to go through my clothes and sort out the ones slated for the sale. My answer to that was, "I did". His response,"oh". lol
On a sad note, my father's youngest brother passed away last week. Another goodbye to log on the books. He was quite an impressive figure, a commercial pilot for a Canadian airline, and lived a long and prosperous life. Still, I feel the loss and am saddened for his family. We become orphans if we outlive our parents, and the good percentage of us do. That is an odd feeling to experience. I only had one living parent, my mother, from the time I was one until my mum passed two years ago. There was a precariousness to having only one, I recall feeling as a child. I used to worry if something happened to her, I would be alone. In the end perhaps we are all alone in some ways. I see a lot of this where I work. Families bring their older members here and sometimes never bother to come and visit. I find that very sad.
But, we move on and move forward. Humans are a resilient lot for the most part. Those who are not, tend to fall into the holes in our world and have trouble climbing out. I try to keep myself up and happy as best I can, and look for the joy around me, because really there is no short supply. This morning, while driving in, I was treated to the most beautiful sunrise I have seen in a while. The sky was brilliantly decorated in shades of pinks and purples, only broken up with by shards of sunlight peeking up over the hills. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Sometimes I get a rush of feelings from seeing such a sight that is nearly overwhelming. I call them my near perfect moments.
Well, I wish you a lot of near perfect moments for your Saturday. Thankfully, some of the oppressive heat blanketing our area is moving out and the weather person has promised some more fallish weather to look forward to next week. Talk again soon.
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