Following the success of the Middlebury Snowbowl's new night skiing, the slope is now planning another extension of hours: EVIL 3am Skiing. The Snowbowl committee proposed the idea after pass holders complained that the skiing was just not exciting enough.
"Skiing has become too boring, too predictable." Said Thrilly Seeker '25, "Auto-erotically asphyxiating myself as I'm sending turns down the slopes isn't cutting it anymore. I need more stimulation. I need to be closer to death. I need EVIL!"
Seeking to answer the demands of the public, the Snowbowl has hired people from all walks of horror backgrounds – including, but not limited to – a couple hundred EVIL rabid bats, Stephen King, skinwalkers (courtesy of the Navajo), and people who poop in Davis.
"But beware!" Warns Old Man Higgins '1923, the EVIL lift operator, "No respite shall await you upon completing a run, for the only food offerings to be found at the lodge? LUKEWARM CHOCOLATE WITH WHIPPED SLOP (18+) and EVIL CHILI—the water from the utensil bins at Proctor!"
The Snowbowl committee has also put an emphasis on maintaining complete darkness on the hill, so skiers will feel as unsafe as possible. Additionally, they won't just have to worry about colliding with trees and plummeting off cliffs in the darkness, but will also have to keep their eye out for EVIL hypersexual ski racers CUMMING from the trees.
EVIL Ski Patrolman Malevolent Spooky Nightshade-Skeleton '25 emphasized that participants won't be able to avoid these nympho-alpinists, saying that "these guys and gals are just the horniest snow sporters you'll ever meet! They want your EVIL penis, but in the meantime, they'll be fucking the trails, Saltburn style."
The EVIL 3am Skiing will be extremely terrifying and spooky and scary and will triple the rate of injuries on the mountain. The Patrol squad has recommended that no one with EVIL colon issues and/or an EVIL gag reflex ski EVILLY at 3am.
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