Following the induction of the newest class of Ski Patrollers, a fresh set of ideas has been introduced to the powder-babies. To learn more about the overly ambitious maneuvers to join the social ranks among the somewhat esteemed athletes on the Middlebury campus, the Local Noodle caught up with a brand new patrolman Imfram Vayl '26.
"I just feel like I should be getting inconsistently laid for doing this," Vayl said, before being asked any question about anything at all. "And thank you so much for asking about how I got started in my ski career," he added, answering yet another non-asked question. "See, it all started because my parents are actually step-siblings and their parents actually got involved in Salomon investing before Bella Hadid wore the Gore-Tex XT-6s, so you could say that my family can afford new skinning set-ups that can handle the West Coast powder."
To qualify for a spot on Ski Patrol, potential officers must undergo a grueling semester-long medical education process, be insufferable, perform countless hours of practicals, and own a second home near a top-15 ski resort in the country.
"I've put my work in. It's time I got a parka to show for it," bemoaned senior patroller Wined N. Whiney '24, "What I do is considered athletic and our community is even whiter than lacrosse's! Sure there are some differences: their parents wear Canada Goose jackets, my parents wear–well, Canada Goose–but we also have Arc'teryx in the rotation. If that ain't the diversity that this campus' athlete population desperately needs, then I don't know what is!"
After being informed by the Director of Athletics that in order to receive their parkas, they would be subject to both the NCAA drug testing protocols and GPA minimums, the patrollers rescinded their application.
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