Whilst The Spice Girls invaded the world during the late 1990s, a smaller and lesser-known group called The Lice Girls had a strung of unpopular hits.
Then the group imploded due to one particularly nasty lice infestation. The band's top hit, If You Wanna Be My Parasite, didn't make the UK top 50 and the members retired and several were jailed.
This is the brief, tragic, idiotic, live-ridden tale of their story.
Proving That Lice ISN'T a Good Theme for a Pop Group
The Lice Girls were formed by pop exec Dave Henry Chitterton in 1995. Initially a four girl band, this dropped down to two once the other members were arrested for embezzlement (later proven to be false charges).
With two charismatic lead singers (Daisy McRogers and Candy McDaisy), Chitterton launched his pop vision to the world with the band's debut single in November 1995.
However, If You Wanna Be My Parasite was met with ridicule when it launched.
The press branded it "disgusting" and concerned parents were concerned the pop tune would popularise the interest in lice amongst the younger generation. The backlash was so fierce Chitterton was forced to hold a press conference in London, during which he said:
"It's just lice, you stupid bastards! It's not like I've got them two daft cows singing about nuking the USSR or something, eh? So shut your stupid faces! It's a great pop ditty and I command you to buy the single in droves to support the superb debut alum Lice Power, which launches shortly!"
The press conference was received very poorly by the press, parents, and music enthusiasts. With the benefit of hindsight, it arguably set a very negative tone for the launch of the pop duo's debut album.
Lice Power: The Lice Girl's Album Doesn't Go Platinum
Success seemed assured for The Lice Girls—a poorly received debut single followed by an abusive backlash from the media world.
The world was at the pop group's size six feet.
However, with the release of the band's debut album Lice Power (a play on The Spice Girl's promotion of fundamental feminism) the success story puttered out and splatted into the ground as if it were a plane crashing into the ground like a dart.
After its launch, the album sold only 100 copies in its first six months.
Dave Henry Chitterton attempted to blame these poor sales on immigration, but few took his complaints seriously. Such was the nature of the album's poor sales that he had to remortgage his home and take out a £100,000 loan to further promote the album across the UK.
With that money, he rented an advert on a bypass along the M1 motorway. Printed on the banner it stated the legend:
BUY LICE POWER YOU DICKHEADS
Despite costing him £50,000 to run across a six-month period, the advertisement did little to spur on the sales of the pop group.
The Mysterious Case of The Lice Girls Members
Not helping matters was Chitterton's refusal to ever let Daisy McRogers or Candy McDaisy speak to the press. He later explained:
"With a combined vocabulary of about 205 words, it seemed like a bad idea to let those two halfwits spout off to the goddamn press about their hair and makeup and crap like that. Who wants to know about that!? So I took over all media duties in my classic saying-it-how-it-is, charming, personable way. It worked a charm!"
This approach severely alienated the pop group's target audience (teenage girls and lice enthusiasts) due to Chitterton's man-of-his-times boorish and obnoxious personality flaws.
One contemporary 15-year-old girl from Bolton of Greater Manchester was quizzed over why she had no interest in The Lice Girls. She said:
"It's because of that fat bastard who's, like, always there and 'e like never lets the girls speak. 'e's a dickhead an' I 'ope 'e's severely injured in a weldin' incident soon."
The welding reference was to a side hustle Chitterton managed in his spare time.
Lice Infestations and Collapse of the Girl Band Dream
The Lice Girls story came to an abrupt end in 1998 when opening a chippy in Rochdale. After an ironic and devastating lice outbreak for all 20 people in attendance, further negative press forever tarnished the pop group's name.
With no one buying the records, or attending the gigs, Chitterton (also facing bankruptcy) realised this was no longer a viable business proposition. He told us in an exclusive May 2024 interview:
"When your business isn't making any money and is, in fact, losing loads and loads of money, that's when a sharp business mind steeped in business acumen knows his business is buisness. I ended it all and fled to Brazil so the loan sharks wouldn't find me. So don't bloody tell them you talked to me, you head!?"
Daisy McRogers and Candy McDaisy later extended their, respective, vocabularies and went on to open a business for rejected pop stars. They now earn at least £29k p/a (girl power!).
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